


The Valentine's Card

by mymishaandjensenfic (ljunattainable)



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cockles Cooperative, Established Relationship, Jared only appears briefly, M/M, Mention of Vicki and Danneel, Swearing, cockles valentine's day challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 10:00:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6001801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ljunattainable/pseuds/mymishaandjensenfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"So Jensen didn’t give him the card. Big deal. Misha's a grown-ass man, he didn’t expect, want or need a card until he saw it in Jensen’s drawer. What is the fucking matter with him? He pours extra honey on his toast because he deserves it."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Valentine's Card

Misha finds the card by accident the day before Valentine’s day while running an errand to fetch some candy for Jensen. 

Don’t ask him how he knows it’s a Valentine’s card, he just knows. It’s got that air about it of pink and perfume and hearts and tweeting bluebirds. He swears he wasn’t expecting it, let alone looking for it. After five years Jensen has not once acknowledged Valentine’s Day’s existence in his presence, let alone given him a card. To be fair, Misha hasn’t either, but that’s not the point.

“Oh, Jensen, honey,” Misha says to himself, not able to stop grinning. “How sweet, how corny.”

Misha reaches into the open drawer, but then his conscience makes him hesitate. At the moment he can see perhaps a third of the card, partly hidden as it is by its envelope. He’s eager to see the card in all its glory but should he really look? Misha knows that any action he takes that isn’t just shutting the drawer and forgetting he ever saw the card is being inappropriately nosy. But on the other hand, if Jensen hadn’t wanted him to find the card he should have been more specific about which drawer the candy was in. Ergo, Jensen intended for Misha to find the card, and obviously once Misha had found it, by implication he has permission to sneak a peak. Conscience satisfied, Misha reaches once more into the open drawer and picks up the card.

He’s ready to laugh at whatever sappy image Jensen has chosen but wouldn’t be surprised if he picked something jokey either. Unfortunately, the picture on the card turns out to be wonderfully original and artistic, rather than Hallmark or humorous, and Misha has to acknowledge, begrudgingly, that it’s actually quite tasteful. 

Inside, Jensen’s written some words in his flowing handwriting:

“I search all the time on the ground  
for our shadows cast side by side  
Just to remind me that I haven't gone crazy  
that you exist and are mine.”

Misha knows they’re from ‘Angel Mine’ by the Cowboy Junkies because they had a lot of fun with the song last year when the show used it. You could almost say it’s their song. He reluctantly accepts that they’re not very laughable either. 

Of course Jensen has to make it even worse. Underneath the lyrics, the words “I Love you” are scrawled. Now Misha might laugh at this if Jensen threw the words around in everyday life with abandon but Jensen’s pretty sparing with his I love yous. It means a lot to Misha to see them written down and know they’re meant for him.

Misha just hopes he doesn’t cry when Jensen gives him the card tomorrow because that’d be fucking embarrassing.

~~~~~

On Valentine’s Day morning, Jensen and Misha wake up together and have breakfast together. They’ve got until noon before they need to be on set so it’s relaxing, pottering around each other making coffee and building fruit salads. Jensen reads the paper and grumbles or laughs at some of the stories. He shares them with Misha but Misha’s restless with anticipation for the Valentine’s card and he can’t enjoy the morning as much as usual. 

There’s plenty of time and opportunity for Jensen to give Misha the card but Jensen doesn’t seem to be in any kind of a rush to do so. At least Misha’s an actor. He can act as if he doesn’t know the card is coming, and even if he did know it was coming, he doesn’t care. He picks at his fruit and laughs at the story Jensen reads out about a kitten scaring off a home invader. 

An hour later, and he actually wishes he hadn’t found the damn card because the waiting is killing him. He wishes Jensen would just get it over with. Misha was one of those kids that never got a Valentine’s card, except the obligatory one from his Mom and the ones you get in school that the teacher organizes just to make sure every kid gets at least one card. Misha bought Vicki a card once and she made fun of him all day. Valentine’s Day has never been a special time for Misha and he’s been happy over the years to ignore it. Until now. Now Misha just wants Jensen to give him that fucking card, he wants to read the ‘I love you’ and then he wants to show Jensen how much he loves him too. 

Jensen doesn’t give Misha the card before they leave for the set. He doesn’t give it to Misha when they reach the set, or when they have green tea in Misha’s trailer while they wait for their call. He doesn’t give it to him before, after, or during a late afternoon lunch, or while they chat lazily in their set chairs with nothing better to do. Jensen doesn’t give Misha the card during their impromptu make-out session in Jensen’s trailer. He doesn’t give Misha the card after his mid-evening call to Danneel to wish her a happy Valentine’s. How ironic is that! He doesn’t give Misha the card before they finally wrap at eleven-thirty when it’s cold and raining and miserable and the brightest part of Misha’s day would be to get that card from Jensen.

Jensen doesn’t give Misha the card at all.

~~~~~

Misha doesn’t sleep well that night, but mostly because he’s so busy telling himself he’s an idiot. He can’t stop thinking about the many reasons why Jensen might not have given him the card. He tosses and turns in his bed, twisting his sheets in frustration. He wishes he’d never seen that card in Jensen’s drawer. He’d actually let himself get excited about something he’s not supposed to care about and now that he’s been disappointed he’s questioning everything. 

Over breakfast he gives himself a stern talking to. Okay, so Jensen didn’t give him the card. Big deal. He’s a grown-ass man, he didn’t expect, want or need a card until he saw it in Jensen’s drawer. What is the fucking matter with him? He pours extra honey on his toast because he deserves it, and licks it off his wrist when it dribbles over his hand. 

The stern talking to didn’t work. As soon as he gets to set, he offers to fetch Jensen’s waterproof jacket from his trailer and while he’s there he maybe just happens to check the drawer where the card was because even though Jensen didn’t give him the card, the thought was still there. Misha just wants to see the ‘I love you’ written in Jensen’s handwriting one more time, then he’s going to forget about the card, adios, for good, for ever, never to be thought of again.

He puts Jensen’s coat near the door so he doesn’t forget it, then slides the drawer open. He’s only going to be a minute. He’ll look, read, (maybe take a photo), put it back exactly where he found it, leave.

Except the card isn’t there. Misha shifts a few things around but he can’t find the card. He slams the drawer back in. He just wanted to look at the card and read the words Jensen went to the trouble to write out. What was wrong with that? Why is the world against him on this?

He perches on the arm of Jensen’s sofa. So no card. Misha doesn’t know why Jensen didn’t give him the card, but now is the time to quit being so paranoid about it. Misha knows Jensen loves him, doesn’t he? So what if Jensen never says it? Fuck it, he’s not naïve. He knows love comes in all sorts of different packages and he never doubted his and Jensen’s. Now is not the time to start.

Misha picks up Jensen’s jacket and heads out, closing the trailer door against the truly awful weather. He shakes his head to clear it of its troubling, unwelcome thoughts, and when he gets to set he hands Jensen his jacket with a smile. Jensen says thank you with a return smile and everything’s fine, it really is.

~~~~~

Misha sits in his set chair, staring at things he sees only in his head. Here’s the thing, that card didn’t have Misha’s name on it. It could have been for someone else. Misha showed Jensen how polyamory could work and Jensen was a good student. Maybe he’s exploring other options. Polyamory relies on trust but maybe he’s not important enough to Jensen that Jensen felt a need to tell him. Maybe Misha’s temporary and Jensen knows that but Misha doesn’t. Or didn’t until now. 

He considers calling Danneel, he’s sure Danneel would know if there was someone else, but he’s going to sound ridiculous if he’s wrong. He’s going to sound ridiculous if he’s right, come to that. He’s obsessing about a fucking Valentine’s Day card, for fuck’s sake. Jesus, what is he thinking? There is no-one else. Jensen just didn’t give him the card for whatever reason. Jensen wouldn’t have the time to fit anyone else in even if he wanted to. Which he doesn’t. Misha’s an idiot. Jensen loves him, so what if he doesn’t tell him that? Misha doesn’t need to hear the words. 

Except when he does.

“Dude?” Jared says and Misha jumps a foot into the air at the sudden, but desperately needed, interruption to his thoughts. “You okay? You were glowering.” 

Misha schools his face into some semblance of passivity. “I’m fine.” He fidgets in his chair. “Just thinking.”

“Boy, I don’t want to be on the receiving end of that thought,” Jared says. 

Jared settles into the chair next to Misha, lifting his long legs to rest his feet on the rung. He’s sitting in Jensen’s chair so he’s close to Misha, because Jensen’s chair is close, because Jensen moved it there, because Jensen lov… Jensen cares about him at least. Or enjoys the sex, if not anything more. Maybe the rest is all in Misha’s head. Maybe that’s why Jensen didn’t give him the card, because Jensen realized he didn’t love Misha after all.

Jared starts talking about his kids. Misha laughs in what he thinks are the right places. He’s such an idiot to let a simple Valentine’s card get to him so much. It’s time to forget it, to let it go so why can’t he? Misha was happy, now he’s not. He thought Jensen was happy too, but maybe he’s not. He acts happy, but then he’s an actor and whichever way Misha looks at it, Jensen made a conscious choice not to give him that card. 

“Misha!” Jared all but yells and Misha’s head snaps around to look at him. He realizes he hasn’t been listening to a word Jared has said for a while now. “You were miles away. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine,” he says. 

~~~~~

Jensen runs up to Misha’s car as he’s pulling out from behind his trailer. Misha stomps on the brake harder than necessary and lowers the window half way. It’s pouring with rain and he doesn’t want the inside of the car to get too wet. Water spills off the edges of Jensen’s big black umbrella so that, to Misha, he looks as if he’s standing behind a waterfall. Surreal.

“Come to my place for supper?” Jensen says.

Misha looks at the clock on the dashboard of his car. It’s nearly midnight, but it is several hours since they ate anything. This isn’t an unusual request and normally Misha wouldn’t hesitate but he doesn’t want Jensen to have to put up with his self-inflicted, self-pity funk. “It’s late.”

Jensen shrugs. “Come anyway.” He pauses, and Misha looks away from Jensen’s interrogating stare. “Please.” Jensen rarely says please so something must be up but this is not a good idea. Misha still needs a day or two to get his mind back in a sensible place. He needs time for meditation and sleep. Maybe a chat with his wife on the phone to remind him how lucky he is.

Misha shakes his head. “Better not. I’m not in a good mood.”

“I know,” Jensen says. His smile is kind and sympathetic. “All the more reason for you to come.” Jensen kicks something under the car, some stray pebble perhaps, that Misha hears skitter away on the tarmac. “Look, Mish, it’s raining cats and dogs out here, I’m getting soaked. Just come. Please.” Jensen waggles his eyebrows. “I have good wine.” 

Misha acknowledges Jensen bringing out the heavy guns with a small smile, but he doesn’t want to risk saying something he’ll regret. “Tomorrow, maybe.” 

“Nope, tonight,” Jensen insists. He leans against the open car window, slipping his hand in to grip Misha behind his neck and pull him forward to kiss him. The half-closed window makes it clumsy but there’s something raw about the kiss, something desperate. Jensen pulls away. “I’ll see you at home,” he says. He stands up, turns around and jogs away before Misha can say no. 

“Jensen,” he calls, but either Jensen ignores him or the weather sucks the sound away and Jensen disappears into the dark. Misha could still not go, but then he’d be a bigger dick than he’s being anyway so he gives in. 

He takes his time getting to Jensen’s apartment. Jensen won’t be there as quickly as he can get there anyway as Clif will drop Jared off first, then swing around to drive Jensen home. It gives him time to try and clear his thoughts. The way he’s feeling is not Jensen’s problem and Jensen shouldn’t have to put up with it. He knows he’s being absurd, he just needs to get himself to realize that at both a conscious, and a subconscious, level.

By the time he rolls up to Jensen’s he thinks he’s done a pretty good job of locking the demons away, if not permanently, at least for the time being. He’s been with Jensen for five years. They’ve had their ups and downs but he’s sure that Jensen loves him; he doesn’t need Jensen to tell him that in actual words to be sure, and he definitely doesn’t need it written down on a Valentine’s card. He opens the door with his key and calls into the apartment while he takes off his wet coat and boots in the tiled entranceway. “Jensen?” 

“Kitchen,” Jensen calls back. 

Misha makes his way through the living room to the small kitchen to find Jensen adding some grapes to a plate of fruit and cheese. There’s a half-full glass of white wine by Jensen’s right hand.

“You started without me,” Misha complains, taking a clean glass from the rack and pouring himself wine from the open bottle in the fridge. He can do this, he can act normal, just look at him go.

“Well you were a long time. Where’d you go?”

Misha glances at the clock on the wall. It’s one in the morning. Jensen will have been home for at least half an hour. “Sorry, I guess I got distracted.”

Jensen looks at him but doesn’t say anything. He picks up his glass and his plate and nods at Misha to do the same. Misha’s barely sat down before the anticipated third-degree starts. 

“So are you going to tell me what’s up?” Jensen asks from the other end of the small couch. There’s some low acoustic guitar music playing in the background and Misha focuses on the chords.

“In what way?”

“You’ve been ‘distracted’, to use your word, all day. Even Jared noticed and he’s got the emotional awareness of an ant so you can’t deny it’s true.” Jensen takes a sip of his wine. Misha closes his eyes. He doesn’t want to talk about it because it’s embarrassing. Who gets this upset over a stupid Valentine’s card? 

“Are the kids okay?” Jensen asks. “Vicki?”

“Yeah, everyone’s fine,” Misha says. “Everything’s fine.” Misha was fine when he got here. It’s not as if he didn’t expect to have to have this conversation. He tells himself to get a grip.

“Then what?” 

There’s no way Misha can tell Jensen about the card. He’s such a fool. “I got myself worked up about something that’s not important, that’s all. I’ll be fine tomorrow. It’s not worth troubling you with it.”

Jensen puts his glass down on the coffee table. “I thought that kind of went with the territory.”

It’s late and maybe that’s why Misha has no idea what Jensen’s talking about. “What territory?”

Jensen looks at him and chews a little at his lower lip. It’s a habit he has when he’s feeling anxious and Misha feels rotten for making him feel that way. 

“You and me, our relationship,” Jensen says, waving a hand between them. “Just because we have separate apartments and we can go home and deal with our problems on our own doesn’t mean we should. It’s our job to look out for each other. You called me your protector, and I am, so give.”

Misha shakes his head. “It really is nothing, trust me.” He smiles. Maybe Jensen will drop it and they can talk about something else less excruciating.

Jensen pops a grape into his mouth. His eyes never leave Misha’s face. It’s disconcerting even though it’s familiar. 

“Okay. Then let me start. I’ll tell you an embarrassing story.” 

Puzzled, Misha cocks his head. 

“I bought you a Valentine’s Day card this year.”

“Oh,” Misha squeaks in surprise.

“That noise is embarrassing,” Jensen says, pointing a finger at Misha. “Anyway, I didn’t give it to you, which obviously you know.”

Misha’s not sure where this is going but he’s not sure he likes it and he should really try and change the topic. “Why?” he asks instead. Idiot.

Jensen slides his arm across to take Misha’s hand and lace their fingers together. Misha looks at their hands, intertwined. This is what’s normal. Where the hell has his head been the last two days? 

“Why did I buy it or why didn’t I give it to you?”

“Um,” Misha says, his thoughts distracted by the way Jensen’s thumb is stroking the back of his hand. “both?”

Jensen smiles at him. “I bought it because I was in the store getting Danneel a card and when I saw this other card I got hit by this overwhelming realization of how much I love you too.”

Oh. Misha’s head jerks up in surprise. “Oh… good?” he suggests. 

“That’s the best part,” Jensen says. He closes his eyes. “I didn’t give it to you because,” Jensen pauses. Misha can’t hold his breath for much longer or he’s going to die. His lungs are hurting already.

“Because?”

“Jeez, Mish, give me a minute. Needy much?” 

Yep, needy, very needy right now. Embarrassingly needy. “Sorry, but I’m on the edge of my seat here.”

“Oh, ha ha,” Jensen says. That’s fine, let Jensen think Misha’s joking. “I didn’t give it to you because I know you found the card.” Fuck. “Because nothing in that drawer was where it should have been and to be honest I thought you’d laugh at me, because you know, it’s frigging Valentine’s Day for Heaven’s sake.”

“I would never laugh–,” Misha starts but Jensen’s knowing look cuts him short. “I only thought about it for a very brief moment, I promise.”

“But then I realized I’d messed up somehow,” Jensen continues, “because you just got more and more miserable. At first I couldn’t work out why because it’s just a damn card but then it clicked.” Jensen leans across the couch and pushes into Misha’s space. He rubs Misha’s cheek with his nose. “I love you, I love you, I love you,” he whispers into Misha’s ear. Ha! Misha knew it. Jensen draws back and looks at Misha, who feels like he’s glowing bright enough to guide ships into port, then Jensen laughs. “See, I told you it was an embarrassing story.”

Misha’s so fucking relieved he could burst. “I thought you were seeing someone else.”

“You’re kidding! Even if I wanted to, which I don’t by the way, when the hell would I have time for that?”

“That is the argument that swung it, to be honest,” Misha admits.

“You’re an idiot,” Jensen says. He looks seriously affronted which is a point in his favor.

“That,” Misha says, “is pretty firmly established, if not before, definitely now.” 

Jensen squeezes Misha’s hand. “But you’re my idiot, and I will love you until you’re old and grey.”

“Well, I’m already old and grey so that’s not much of a promise,” Misha says in a weak attempt at a joke to make himself feel better.

Jensen yanks on Misha’s arm, catching him off balance and pulling him in against him. He kisses him hard on the lips. “Till death do us part, then. Good enough?”

“Better.” 

“And just so that you know in advance, I’m not buying you a frigging Valentine’s card next year,” Jensen adds. “It’s more trouble than it’s worth.”

“Thank God,” Misha says, meaning it with all his heart.

“But,” Jensen says, getting up and crossing to the filing cabinet tucked out of the way in a back corner of the room. He turns around, a plain white envelope in his hand, the name ‘Misha’ boldly written on the front. “I think you’ve earned this one.”


End file.
